I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was CRYING into my vagina
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
