I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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