miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
