I saw his package. It spoke to me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
