I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she smelled like a LAN party
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
