I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
