did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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