You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
