I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
