Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How's work?
Spinning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
