ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
