my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
