We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
