I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
