Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
