just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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