I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
