Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
