Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
