I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
