Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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