Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we're making bets on your personal life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
