Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
