I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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