At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
