pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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