with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
