yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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