you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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