He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
