So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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