to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We left an ass print on the piano.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
