i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
