There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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