Got a toothbrush?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
