am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
