would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
