Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My breasts were aching with rage.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
