Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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