i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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