I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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