Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
