Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
