Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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