hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
