ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
