apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
