I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Girls should come with a carfax report
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
