Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
