So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
