the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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