Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
