Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
