evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
