Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
