i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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