After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
