Im at strip club and am horny
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
