I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I would ride that face into the sunset
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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