What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
