I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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