In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
