My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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