We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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