Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize