Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
