chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
