she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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