At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
