Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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