My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
