shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Randomize
